Welcome to the hospital

***Warning that some of the pictures follow this post are quite graphic and may be upsetting to see. But they are real and they expose the conditions that hundreds and hundreds of women live through on a daily basis. I guess it’s a “look at your own risk” kind of warning.

I just finished up my third week here in India and my second week of working in the hospital. I have had the opportunity to deliver 2 babies and witness/be apart of 15 other deliveries. To say that “I love it” would be a grand understatement.  While I would love to go into some details about my first deliveries I feel that it is first important to explain the circumstances at the hospital.

I remember the first time I walked in through the doors. ..Crowded. ..Smelly... Ok well that can be the case at any hospital.  It was the uncleanliness that really stood out to me.  The dirt, the grim, the muck that clung to the walls and lingered in the air. Here I am in a hospital and I feel dirty.   Something’s just not right. The crowds of people are piled literally onto the floor. Waiting, sleeping, eating. I still don’t even really know why they are there. Family members I suppose.  It is musty and hot and there is spit on the ground and stains on the walls that look like a mixture of fecal matter and blood. I still don’t really know what those stains are either. As we walked through the gate that would lead us to the labor ward (which is guarded by a “security” man who barks orders at women being admitted and yells to keep concerned family members away) I was overwhelmed by the smell. A smell so potent and strong that it actually still lingered on our uniforms that were handed out to us while we were still in Australia.  Formaldehyde? Placenta? Death?  I am assuming a strong combination of all.  First thing I notice is that there are women sitting on a broken wooded bench, soaking in small piles of blood. I would later come to find out that these moms have just delivered. Many of them sutured from an unnecessary episiotomy and then quickly pushed out of the way so the next mom can use the bed. They are just sitting there. Alone. Without their babies and without any explanations. They are naturally hurting, sore, tired, and in dire need of some water and some rest- but they will go without it all until someone ushers them away to the postnatal ward.

Entering the actual delivery room for the first time is a sight that will most definitely be beyond my ability to articulate.  I remember my stomach churning but needing to stay strong and focused. The women are all together on these cold, hard, metal beds just yelling out for someone to care for them.  They are pushing and screaming and crying and alone.

This is not how I imagined a delivery room.

Privacy? What’s that.  Vaginal exams, babies coming out, placenta being delivered, sutures being repaired. Its all just out in the open.  Any private or embarrassing thing that may occur when you are having a baby is there for all to see.

I approach one of the woman and hold her hand and stroke her hair. It doesn’t take long for me to see that there are cockroaches crawling on the bed with her.  I try to push them away and continue to offer her support.

“docttorrrrrr” she keeps screaming at me. “checccckkkk me. help meeeeeee”

(she speaks just a little English.)

I watched a male doctor approach a woman across the way to check how far dilated she was. His harsh touch and roughness caused me to cringe so it came as no surprise when she yelled out in agony and tightened her legs.  This only fueled the doctors harshness so he smacked her legs several time, forced them to reopen and screamed something to her in Hindi.  Its not even that there is a lack of compassion that bothers me so much- it's that many of the doctors and nurses (madams and sisters as they are called) are actually aggressive towards these women. 

The value of an individual has been diminished and all that remains is a factory line.

One woman up, get the baby out, get the woman out. NEXT!!

I look around and I feel overwhelmed. How can I help? What can I do to make a difference in here?  There is a lot for the eyes to take in- so much that at one point I couldn’t help but cry.  I caught a glance from one of my classmates and noticed she was feeling the same way I was. These women are so beautiful and they deserve to be in a clean, comfortable, safe environment. They deserve to be treated like queens with their moms and husbands by their sides, offering words of affirmation and support. But this is not the case.  I took a deep breath, my moment couldn’t last for long. I wiped away my tears. I had work to do.

I could go on forever here but I guess the length of this blog is reaching its capacity. I will close by saying that although these conditions are terrible I love being there. I love what I get to be apart of. I have learned that the madams and sisters are not to blame for what I see as a poor lack of care. This is the only way they know. This is the way they have been taught- that pregnancy is a problem that needs to be fixed and if they don’t act the way they do than nothing will ever get done. Unfortunately they may be somewhat accurate. But it can change. I look forward to going to this hospital everyday. I know that there is hope in this hospital. I have learned that loving one woman and showing her the care that she deserves-even in the midst of an environment that she doesn’t- makes a difference.  I have learned that we can build relationships with the madams and sisters and we can learn from them. And they can learn from us too. I have learned that cleaning the blood off a bed after a woman gets up is just a small thing that makes a big difference.  I have learned that it is a great privilege that I even get to walk into this hospital and work amongst these people and with these women.  I have learned that God has not forgotten these people. In fact, He loves them dearly. So much that He sent 20 people from all over the world, from all over different walks of life to come and serve them. To pray for them, to hold their hand, and even to catch and welcome the new life that comes into their world.  Again I’ll say, I am so privileged. 

this is the area where people are waiting on the floor

this is the antenatal ward.

hundreds and hundreds of women are seen daily

this is the labor room.

gloves are reused after washing

this is the baby room. where the babies are taken right after birth to be weighed and have their cords cut. the little one on the floor didn't make it. 

This beauty was abandoned at the hospital after birth. Most likely because she is female. She sleeps on the floor in the NICU. She will be taken to an orphanage soon. She is perfect. Anyone interested? ;)